


Ashes to Ashes

by SignoraTed



Series: The Broken Soldier Series [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-25 18:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3819913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignoraTed/pseuds/SignoraTed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was just a soldier. Then she met him and suddenly, there's a lot more to life than just shooting things and explosions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi guys. First time writing for Mass Effect so I'll give it my all. Have a lot of this already written so hopefully it'll go well. Just a couple of things;  
> 1\. I've taken liberties with certain things, such as armour (not that crap we had back in ME1, sticking with good all armour.) You'll know the things I've changed when you see them. They're just really subtle, nothing big. 2. I'm won't be going into detail with the mission in this story. It's more like the in between scenes. Personally, I just don't like rewriting the game. So, yep.  
> 3\. It's going to span the three games, and probably a little after. What I haven't written, I have planned. But just a warning that ME1 goes pretty fast.
> 
> Anyway, I don't own Mass Effect sadly, and I ain't getting no profit from this. READ ONWARDS... and if you'd drop a review, that'd be nice :)

Hannah Shepard jogged towards the slight figure leaning against the railing, looking over the dry dock. She was late again, as usual. Her daughter turned at the sound of her mother's footsteps and looked over her shoulder, giving her a cheeky smile.

"Yea know, mom," she began, turning her whole body around fully to face Hannah, leaning her bare elbows on the metal. "Seems the only one you're on time for is Hackett."

The commander gave Hannah a wink accompanied by a smirk and waited for her mother's reaction. Instead of indulging in her daughter's humour, she simply rolled her eyes.

"You said something shady seemed up about your mission details?"

Shepard pouted childishly at her failed attempt at provoking her mother. Growing up around Hackett, you noticed small, little things. And she'd be damned if she didn't notice something up with Hackett  _and_ her mother. She wasn't blind.

"Just seems a little… I don't know. Over the top? Too much for something so small. Just… Strange. I've got this feeling."

"Oh God help us all. You've got that feeling again. Really though, darling, you're being paranoid. Now I'd hurry up if I were you; wouldn't want to make a bad first impression on Anderson's crew now, would you?"

Captain Shepard sounded as if she was sending off her toddler to her first day of school, zipping up her school bag and looking over her uniform. But her daughter was still her little girl, no matter how many times she went off and saved the galaxy, Hannah was still allowed to dote on her. To some extent.

"Of course, mom. You don't go wreaking havoc either, alright? I  _do_ know where I got my talent for trouble making from."

Her mother made a 'pssh' sound, waving off the comment as if it were a fly, then smiled down at Shepard, pulling her into a hug. With a traditional press of their foreheads together, they gripped each other's forearms, wishing one another luck and went their separate ways. Hannah strutted back up the walkway to the elevator, while Shepard turned towards the exit, where the Normandy and her crew were waiting for her to arrive. They had  _no_ idea what they were all about to get into.

* * *

"I saw her on the vids, man. Those legs, the hips, that as-"

"Joker, she was wearing armour."

"And it was  _very_  flattering. Come on, Alenko, admit it. What catches your eye, eh? The hair that would slide through your fingers like water, the eyes so green you swear-"

"Commander, this is our Flight Lieutenant, Jeff Moreau."

Joker cringed, glancing at Kaidan who was sending him an amused grin, and swivelled his chair around to face Anderson and Shepard.

"H-hey, Commander. Don't worry 'bout the name. Just call me Joker. Everyone does that, right Lieutenant? Heh."

"It's 'cos he thinks he's so outrageously funny," Kaidan added in with a snort, before realising who he was actually talking to. "Uh, Commander.

Shepard looked down at them both, finding herself holding back a grin that was tugging her lips. Joker still seemed to be squirming uncomfortably in his seat as she looked back at him pointedly. She'd let him suffer a little longer.

"I'm sure he is then. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, am I right? I read your file. Pretty damn impressive. Remind me not to get into a fight of the biotics with you. I'll surely fail miserably."

Kaidan then accepted that maybe Joker had been right. This woman was attractive. Very. He was right about her hair, black and sleek and cropped to her jaw with short messy bangs on her left. And the eyes… He wouldn't mind having _them_  stare a hole in the back of his head. He wasn't even going to start thinking about Joker's first comments, but then the pale skin of her bare arms just led him to the thoughts anyway.

It was then he realised she had spoken to him.

"Uh, thank you, ma'am. I've worked hard to be where I am."

Did that sound arrogant? It did, didn't it? No, it didn't. It just showed he had confidence in himself…Right?

"Good," she replied, turning to Anderson, who had been eyeing Joker sternly leaving the pilot looking sheepish, and began moving away from the cockpit. "Hard workers are the ones you can count on the most."

Kaidan felt the tips of his ears going hot and he glared at his console, praying that the Commander would get as far as way from the cockpit as possible. Once she was gone, a snicker from Joker tore his attention from his blank stare.

"What?" he asked sharply, his eyes narrowing.

"Dude, you totally just checked her out. Who was right? I was right."

A grumbling sound emerged from Kaidan's throat as he slid down in his chair ever so slightly. His eyes fell on Joker, who was sitting up straight smugly, and looked back at Kaidan, giving him a smirk.

"Asshole."

* * *

The night after Eden Prime, Shepard slept badly. In actual fact, she didn't sleep at all. Hours earlier, she had woken up in med-bay to see two big pools of whiskey coloured eyes staring down at her. Honestly, any other time, any other place, any other  _person,_ and she probably wouldn't have minded. Alenko's brow was scrunched together in concern and Shepard was mortified to find herself studying his features while he called for Dr. Chakwas.  _It's just the drugs,_  she had told herself.

But now, as she lay in her bed gazing up at the stars, she realised that no, it hadn't been the drugs in her system. Just after losing one of her ground squad mates, and there she was, lounging in med-bay, giving her lieutenant a once over. She had never been so disgusted with herself. Of course, when she had insisted that she had to get up to make the call to the Jenkins family, Dr. Chakwas scolded her and she got some sort of pep talk from Alenko about how it wasn't her fault; that she did whatever she could've. She almost replied to him by snapping and telling him that what he had just said was a load of bull, but then remembered that he was probably agonising over the fact that he was why she was in med-bay in the first place. Again, a load of bull in her opinion but all she could really do without offending him was try and say thank you for the pep talk and carry on.

None of it made her feel better though. The visions of the beacon were still burning at the back of her eyes, making her feel nauseous at both the vivid images and the light headed feeling they caused. Chakwas had ended up giving her some sleeping meds, injecting them into her before she could bring them back to her cabin and flush them down the toilet. And yet there she was, three hours later. Sleep hadn't come to her once yet, even with the drugs that were now flowing through her veins, and which would now most likely make her feel like crap in the morning. Deciding she'd take a break from trying to get to sleep, she stumbled into the elevator to go down into the mess. Although the drugs weren't granting her with sleep, they were making her feel like she had just spent the night in a drinking match with a krogan. Nearly all the crew were asleep, meaning it was probably halfway through the artificial night cycle; perhaps maybe 3am. She only spotted two crewmen in the hallway, heading off to their pods. She was then the only one in the room, which suited her perfectly.

As she sat down with a mug of decaf coffee and a data pad, movement in the med-bay caught her eyes. She assumed Chakwas was in her quarters by now, and the fact that the lights were off made the commander all the more suspicious. Setting her mug down and putting the data pad aside, she quietly moved towards the med-bay, as stealthily as her drug induced swagger would allow her. She conjured up dark energy in her fist and opened the door. Instantly, she released it. Lying down on one of the beds was Alenko, an arm stretched across his eyes, only barely moving it to squint at her figure in the doorway. As the light flooded the room, Shepard heard him groan as he replaced his arm over his eyes and forgot to even acknowledge her.

It clicked for Shepard then, as she slid the door closed and used the dim light on her omnitool to root through one of Chakwas' drawers. Of course, Alenko was an L2. She had forgotten that and probably shouldn't have been surprised to see him in this sort of agony.

"Wha-what are you doing, Commander?" she heard come from the bed. She felt so bad for him. She had seen this before.

"I had a friend who was an L2, a doctor. She was lucky like you but likewise got the gift of the migraines. She worked out a trick with some meds that aren't really  _supposed_  to be used for this kind of thing but she said it subdued the pain for a bit. Just don't tell Chakwas, she'll kill me."

She heard a strained, short laugh come from him, the pain evident in his voice. He seemed to have it worse than her friend Kay. She was bad but Alenko seemed  _incredibly_  bad. She finally spotted the syringe she was looking for at the bottom of the drawer and grimaced when she looked back over the mess she had made. Chakwas would defiantly notice. If not from the missing syringe, definitely from the chaos that Shepard had created out of the doctor's usual organisation. Gently shutting the drawer with her hip, she held the syringe in a hand triumphantly, taking off the wrapping and preparing it for her fellow soldier.

"Right, hold out your arm, lieutenant. This will sting a bit."

She couldn't see his face at that moment, her eyes instead trained on getting the needle into his vein, but she was almost certain he had rolled his eyes.

"This kicks in pretty fast. Give it about five minutes or so. I'll stay around if that's okay; in case it doesn't work. I've a few other tricks up my sleeve."

At least she told herself that's why she was staying. In truth, if she went back to bed, she would be lying there tormenting herself over Jenkins, and even Williams' squad and Nihalus. They were all losses. She also liked the lieutenant and didn't want him to have to suffer alone. Yeah, that was it. She was suddenly brought out of her thoughts when she heard Alenko let out a sigh of relief, almost of contentment. It brought a smile to Shepard's face.

"That-that really worked, Commander. Thank you. Why did you help me? I mean-uh-why are you up? Uh, if you don't mind me asking."

His stuttering over the confusion with the formalities nearly made her laugh. He didn't have that problem with Anderson, she had noticed. Perhaps it was how familiar she had made herself with her crew.

"Please, Alenko. Leave it at Shepard."

And before she could continue, she saw a half smile appear on his face under the extremely dim light.

"Then I'm Kaidan, ma'am. If-uh-that's not-"

"Nice to meet you Kaidan," she replied with a smile, interrupting him politely. "Now back to your original question…"

The night had not ended as miserably as Shepard had predicted. After vaguely telling Kaidan that the sleeping meds didn't work, they decided if they turned down the lights in the mess hall, Kaidan could go out and sit with some tea and a plate of sandwiches. Shepard was a biotic, sure, and she  _did_ have to eat more than most, but a biotic as powerful as Kaidan had to eat tonnes. Shepard sat with him for an hour, watching the stack of sandwiches deplete as they spoke. It was interesting for her; sitting down and having a proper long, casual conversation with someone she didn't know all that well. And they barely even mentioned the Alliance to Shepard's surprise. It was sad, she couldn't remember the last time she had a conversation that didn't centre around something Alliance related. It was then that Shepard decided that she liked Kaidan Alenko, and would be damned happy if could call him friend someday in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: "So," she began, giving him a cheeky smirk as he collapsed into the seat beside her.
> 
> He looked at her suspiciously, placing his pistol on the table and getting ready to start taking it apart.
> 
> "What do you mean, 'so'?"
> 
> She turned in her chair, her elbow now resting on the table with her chin on the back of her hand. She felt like a high school girl again and it felt great.
> 
> "So, you and our CO seem pretty tight. What happened there?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Fucking assholes,"

Kaidan stopped where he had been walking, pausing at the end of the sleeping pods. The rest of the crew were still on the Citadel, while he, Shepard and Ashley had returned to the Normandy after attending the council meeting and picking up a few of aliens.

Ashley wasn't impressed, but she'd be stupid to not appreciate the help. Garrus and Wrex were currently making themselves at home down in the shuttle bay, staying clear of Ashley, while Tali had retreated to the engine room. Kaidan would have been lying if he had said he wasn't even one little bit skeptical about their new crew members, but they seemed like good people and were committing themselves to the chase for Saren. That was good enough for him, but most certainly not the case for the Gunnery Chief.

He peered around the edge of the wall, towards the ground team's lockers, and spotted Shepard angrily ramming her armour and gear into hers. He thought back to the council session, where he was sure steam was about to burst from her ears. She obviously didn't play well with politicians.

Once she had slammed her locker shut, she let herself fall back from her straight kneeling position so that her shoulders were slumped forward and her ass was resting on the back of her legs.

Debating on what to do, Kaidan gulped. He was headed down to the shuttle bay to tinker with the mods for his pistol, but to do that he'd have to walk past her. So the question was, does he casually walk past her, ignoring her apparent misery, or did he do what he seemed to do best and go over to try and comfort her. Sometimes he wished he was heartless. It would have given him so much less trouble.

"Commander?"

She jumped, trying to get up from her knees without looking like a stumbling moron and failing dramatically.

"Jesus Christ, Alenko! You're so lucky I wasn't armed."

She was lying. Goddamnit, she was lying. She'd never go anywhere without a pistol at her hip or stuffed in the back of her waistband. She was ashamed she didn't notice him, being stuck in her own thoughts. She just prayed he didn't notice the small handgun that was barely concealed by her N7 hoodie.

Kaidan did notice though. He noticed the battered metal peeking out near the top of her sweats. He did his best not to react, hoping that his facial expression hadn't given him away. He understood why she had lied.

"Sorry, ma'am. Didn't mean to startle you. Was just heading down to the shuttle bay and heard some profanities being fired around in this general direction. Just wanted to make sure nothing was being broken."

He gave a smirk that should have been accompanied by a wink but he held back. Was he flirting? No, he was just trying to lighten the mood, that was all.

"I'd love to see the damn council's faces broken. Stupid idiots. You know, someday there gonna be a war right in front of their nose and they won't acknowledge it until it blows up in their own selfish faces."

She stalked over to the table, dropped down into a chair and groaned, her head falling down to hit the table. Kaidan wasn't sure if he was invited to join her or not but he took the chance, taking two protein bars from Rupert's kitchen drawer and tossing one across the table to her as he sat down. She lifted her head up, glanced at the bar confused, and then up at Kaidan; who was casually unwrapping his food, not paying any attention to his commanding officer.

"Why is it you always stumble across me when I'm having a crap time, Kaidan? I mean, by now you must think I'm some emotionally unstable insomniac."

She was referring to the night of his migraine, as well as recently, when he walked in on her yelling in frustration at the gun she was modding and most defiantly the time when Chakwas had forgotten her menstrual injection and he had walked into the med bay to see the commander grieving her hamster that had just died.

"Err- no, ma'am. Maybe-"

"Kaidan."

"Oh. Sorry. No, uh, Shepard. Maybe my spidy senses just tingle when you're unst- uh, down and I'm just…conveniently there to cheer you up?"

She raised an eyebrow and gave him a knowing smirk.

"I'm not unstable. I just have had a…few… bad days."

"Yes, of course, Commander. Uh, Shepard."

He cringed as she rolled her eyes, her lips tugging into a genuine smile. Picking up her bar and finishing it quickly, she grasped both her and Kaidan's wrappers in a fist and looked towards the trash can by the kitchen counter.

"Loser takes equipment cleaning. I win, you do mine as well as yours; you win, I do yours as well as mine. Sound fair?"

She wasn't sure if she liked the look that was on his face. It was a look of determination, and above all, someone with a master plan.

"You sure you want to do this, Shepard? No backing out afterwards."

She narrowed her eyes, looking straight at him as she handed him his plastic.

"Game on, Alenko."

The bin was far enough from the two of them to make it somewhat of a challenge; Kaidan now sitting beside Shepard instead of opposite to make it fairer. She had demanded to go first; demanded like a six year old child. Kaidan still found himself surprised sometimes as he got to know his Commander more and more, about how incredibly childish the hero of Elysium, daughter of Captain Shepard, N7 officer and now the first human Spectre could be. Because of this, she would not like his next course of action.

After she missed the trash can by an inch to the left, Kaidan looked at her with a look of confidence that she had never seen before. She had to get this guy having fun more often, she decided, just as he plucked his wrapper up off the table into the palm of his hand. Before she knew it, it was sitting in the bin.

"Not fair!" she exclaimed, standing up from her chair so she could let herself still feel superior to her lieutenant, despite having lost their little contest.

"You never said no biotics, Shepard. What, want a re-match?"

However, just as Shepard opened her mouth to protest more, there was a whoop and a clap from behind her, followed by heavy footsteps.

"G'wan, Alenko!" one of the crewmen who had just arrived yelled enthusiastically.

Shepard didn't know why, but she felt embarrassed that more of her crew were seeing her act this way. It was no way for a commander to act.

That was when Kaidan noticed her whole demeanor change, going from relaxed and fun P. Shepard, to Commander P. Shepard of the Alliance Navy and first human Spectre. The change was dramatic and it confused him. And by the look on her face, it confused her too.

"Next time, Lieutenant," she said in her commanding tone, turning to face him, away from the crew. "We'll see who wins with biotics."

"Thought you said you'd never want to go against me biotic wise?"

"Shut up, Alenko."

And with that she walked over to her fallen plastic, chucked it into the bin and headed off in the direction of the elevator.

"You know, Alenko," Jones began, as he sat down in Shepard's empty seat, tearing Kaidan's gaze away from his commander's retreating back. "She acts like you and Williams are her best friends sometimes. I mean, she's great and everything but that lady needs to loosen up a bit more with everyone  _else_."

Jones' comment puzzled Kaidan. He had never held that opinion of her. She had never seemed uptight either. Maybe it was because him and Ashley were the since the beginning of this whole ordeal, had witnessed Saren first hand?

"Guess she just has favourites on the ship, Jones." He replied distantly, his thoughts elsewhere.

He promptly left the table to down to the shuttle bay to mod that gun as he had planned, and perhaps he'd have a talk with Ashley.

* * *

Ashley snickered as she watched Shepard leave to go talk to Garrus. Her sister's, as usual, had the most incredible timing possible. Shepard thought she looked simply curious but Ashley'd be damned if that curiosity hadn't had a tint of jealousy. It was hilarious. A week she had been with this ship and already she could see the sexual tension between them. Of course Alenko would be too chicken to man up to what was going on and if there was one thing Ashley had learnt about her commander so far, it was that the woman was stubborn as hell. So this would never happen, Ashley had concluded, unless there was a small push involved. She would be that push.

As if by fate, Alenko stepped out of the elevator while Shepard stepped in, both giving smiles, and Shepard attempting to trip the biotic up as he moved out. It was obvious that she succeeded when there was a sound of crashing, a yell of the word 'fuck', and a peal of laughter coming from their direction.

Ashley stood up from her table to see what damage the two had done. Alenko was sitting on the floor beside one of the gun stands, rubbing his head with the heel of his hand. A small pained chuckle could be heard from him, despite Shepard's mad cackling and pathetic attempts to be sympathetic. It was beautiful, Ashley though almost sarcastically. When the two were together, they seemed to act completely out of character. Garrus seemed to be thinking the same thing and smiled whatever way turians smiled. Wrex simply looked back down at his gun, grumbling something along the lines of, "damn pyjaks,"

When Alenko seemed to have recovered and Shepard left after apologising, laughing all the while, Ashley quickly sat back down before the lieutenant reached her table.

"So," she began, giving him a cheeky smirk as he collapsed into the seat beside her.

He looked at her suspiciously, placing his pistol on the table and getting ready to start taking it apart.

"What do you mean, 'so'?"

She turned in her chair, her elbow now resting on the table with her chin on the back of her hand. She felt like a high school girl again and it felt great.

" _So,_ you and our CO seem pretty tight. What happened there?"

He tried to act naturally, knowing what she was getting at, and refused to look up at her, focusing his attention on his extended barrel instead.

"She has a weird sleeping pattern. Usually intersects with the time I'm up for food or with migraines. We talk for a bit and she has these meds that help with the pain."

Ashley wiggled her eyebrows.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" she asked innocently.

"Stop implying things that are ridiculous and will never happen."

"So you admit you'd like it to happen?"

"What-No! I-I- Just- Ashley!"

His gun was now completely forgotten about, his eyes looking at Ashley like a deer caught in headlights. She laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

"Chill, LT. I was just riling you up. Trust me, I already noticed you checking her out at the council meeting. What, does she turn you on when she's angry? I'll have to tell her you find that hot. I- Oh, come on, Alenko. Don't give me that look."

He looked defeated, ashamed. Ashley would not stand for it.

"Ashley, just 'cos I  _might_  enjoy her company and I  _might_  find her attractive, doesn't mean I'm wishing for anything. The only difference between me and the rest of the male sex is that she actually seems to enjoy my company as well. No big deal."

She rolled her eyes, standing up from her chair to go to the mess hall, waving him off dismissively.

"Yea, yea. Whatever you say, LT. You keep thinking in denial."

And then, he was left alone with his gun and his extended barrel, with nothing but that previous conversation to think about. Oh, he wanted to kill Ashley for even making him think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: It was harmless though, right? Just a bit of banter between friends in a stressful time. Yep, Shepard told herself. That was it.


	3. Chapter 3

They were en route to Therum to find Dr T'Soni, much to Shepard's displeasure. Oddly enough, it had nothing to do with the actual mission, more so to do with the heat. Having grown up on ships, Shepard was only ever exposed to the sun during missions and training. Her previous experiences obviously hadn't left a good impression on her.

She grumbled to herself as she strapped her chest plate on tightly, and heard a grunt behind her. She turned to see who was apparently mocking her.

"Wouldn't last a day on Tuchunka," Wrex said, leaning against a pillar near the shuttle.

"Then let's hope I never have to go there," she retorted, clipping the final strap in place.

"Commander, ETA five minutes."

"Thanks, Joker."

Kaidan and Ashley marched over towards her, all geared up and ready to go. Garrus had gone off to 'calibrate' down in engineering, while Wrex had come to see them off; sulking all the while.

"Don't worry, Wrex," Shepard said as she walked by him, giving him a pat on his heavily armoured shoulder and a smile. "You can come next time."

There was a mumbled reply from the krogan as he stomped off to the other side of the bay; clearing out of the way of the shuttle. Ashley seemed to be having trouble refraining to smile at the alien, looking down at the floor of the shuttle as the doors closed.

"You know you can be friendly with them," Kaidan said, an eyebrow raised. Ashley didn't look up, instead glared at the floor more intensely.

"Whatever, LT."

Liara had worn Shepard out. It may have been the escaping from the collapsing tower moment; the overload of complicated jabber the asari seemed so fond of using, or the most likely cause; the sudden blow to the head that this reaper this was big. It was big; bigger than they had thought and it was only going to get worse. And so far it seemed that the only people who gave a rat's ass about it were on her ship. She wasn't sure if that was supposed to give her more confidence or not, but at least her people were dedicated to it. Noveria was next on their 'to do' list and Shepard cringed just thinking about it. She was terrible with dealing with feelings, especially other's feelings, and this asari seemed kind of like a ticking time bomb of emotion. She'd have to assign Kaidan to Liara watch. He was good at that touchy feely thing.

And there it was again. She had somehow managed to let Kaidan slip into her thoughts again. Maybe she was getting too friendly with her crew. Recently, her evenings were spent down in the shuttle bay with Ashley, playing poker; Garrus even joining in from time to time while Wrex watched in confusion. Ashley seemed to have gotten over her racism with Garrus at least; finding his company and humour too enjoyable and to her tastes. When she wasn't in the shuttle bay, Shepard spent some other evenings up in the mess hall with Tali, Kaidan, and some of the normal crew. All they did was relax, with their feet up on the table and a drink in hand. Shepard realised long ago that she was, perhaps, one of the most unprofessional CO's out there, but she didn't see the harm in letting her crew have some sort of lives. It was probably the nights she should've been worried about the most.

Shepard had never been a good sleeper; especially since Elysium; but since the beacon, her night's rest become almost nonexistent. She had Chakwas on her tail constantly, demanding she take sleeping meds so she could let her body actually function properly; but the doctor soon realised too, that nothing would help. And so, Shepard would find herself in the mess hall at approximately 2am each night; dressed in her N7 sweats and tank top, a cup of tea clutched in one hand and a data pad in the other. After the first few nights, she just stopped bringing her data pad. It gradually became routine for her to have a steaming mug of tea placed on the table opposite her, ready for when her guest arrived.

She was still baffled by Kaidan's eating habits. He had told her the first night that usually he'd get up at this time and just grab a protein bar, but since she was going to be there anyway he may as well have gotten himself a sandwich and stay for some conversation. Yes, Shepard was sure this was her problem. She had grown to really trust Kaidan, and found herself closer with him than any of the other crew. And Shepard never really had friends before, excluding Kay, so this was completely new to her. She had friends now that weren't just comrades, weren't just other soldiers. Joker would always be the annoying little brother she never had, while Tali was most definitely her little sister. Garrus was the friend who would prod at you with jokes and be there for you when something crap headed your way. Wrex was Wrex. You get what you give. And Ashley, well, she was almost as close to Shepard as Kaidan was. The three of them would always be thee squad. The ones who were there from the very start.

But Kaidan… It scared her how much she'd opened up to her lieutenant. She told herself it was because it was at night time when they spoke and that was when she blabbed. Like when she had told him about her first and only boyfriend, Jordan, when she was fifteen. It had been a horrible attempt to make him feel better after he had told her about Rahna, and instead of darkening the mood further, she had decided to humiliate herself by telling a story she had never dared tell anyone else. His reaction of course, had been abrupt laughter, completely shadowing over their previous conversation, just as Shepard had planned.

Yes, this was defiantly the problem. She really cared about these people and how they felt. The majority of the social interaction she had experienced had been with military personnel, never friends. She had never cared for people like this before. This was why, in a way, she hoped she didn't get too emotionally attached to Liara. The asari was not going to have a fun time and Shepard didn't know how she'd cope with the doctor. No, she'd get Tali and Kaidan to watch out for her. She wouldn't go down with Liara like it was her own problem. Nope.

Shepard had been wrong, as usual. Liara was broken when she was back on the Normandy; avoiding most of the crew and heading straight to her cabin. Tali had caught her on her way and pulled her into a tight hug before guiding her into the cabin with a hand on her shoulder. She emerged soon afterwards, looking at Shepard from behind her mask to go in. The commander took a deep breath, eyes staring up at the ceiling, and made her way into Liara's room. There was a pep talk that didn't feel natural on Shepard's tongue, and then a determined farewell from the asari, her face surprisingly brighter.

With a sigh, Shepard collapsed down into a seat with a glass of water and rested her head on her hand, leaning her elbow on the table. This whole Saren mess was getting bigger and bigger, just as she had predicted; and the indoctrination… It was plain frightening. To see someone so… She shuddered until she felt a hand on her shoulder and a person sitting in the chair beside her.

"You alright, Commander?"

It was Kaidan. Of all the ways to make the situation worse…

"I think I just comforted someone." She said, sounding dazed and confused, not bothering moving to look at him. She heard him laugh, not even needing to look at him to imagine the crinkled lines at the sides of his mouth as he smiled. He was sort of adorable. No, you are his commander, Pan. Stop it right now.

"And why do you sound so surprised, Shepard? I mean, you're one hell of a charismatic person."

"If by charismatic you mean getting everyone in a room to shut and listen to you by threatening them violently with a gun? Yea, I think this time was just a fluke."

"Well, obviously something worked, ma'am. You just missed Liara walk out of med bay with a data pad in hand and a look of a woman on a mission."

"Technically, she's not a woman, Kaidan," Shepard pointed out dryly, holding her glass lazily up to her lips and feeling slightly drunk for no good reason.

"Right, Shepard. Whatever."

"Don't give me back talk like that, Lieutenant! I'll have you on cleaning duty for a week if you keep that up,"

"The only place I'll need to clean up is the work table down near Ashley after you're finished with it. What do you do when you're down there, Shepard? Get a hammer a bash the thing to pieces?"

"Excuse me. I will have you know that you don't get pistol's a superb as mine by picking it up at a shop. Hard work has to go into it. Not that you'd-"

There was a splutter of laughter from the direction of the elevator, where Ashley was standing, an eyebrow raised at them.

"You two sound like an old married couple, yea know that?"

Shepard noticed the intense look Kaidan was giving Ashley; as if he was daring her to even try something. She just winked back at him.

"Sorry, Williams. You can move out of the house whenever you find a husband up to your father's standards."

Kaidan choked on the sip of his drink he had taken, laughing between breaths at Shepard's backfire.

"Don't you worry, ma," Ashley continued, plonking down opposite them with a sandwich. "You two are too fun to be around anyway. Wouldn't want to miss it."

Shepard almost choked herself when Kaidan's look turned from an innocent glance to a glare. Ashley gave him a gigantic grin. Apparently she was enjoying making him miserable; whatever way that was.

"Right, Williams. Cut it out," she butted back in, commander tone back in gear. "For your sins, you're not coming to Feros with us. Stay behind and get some work done on those guns, alright? And help get Garrus away from the Mako. That damned death trap doesn't need any more calibrating."

Ashley pouted childishly before pushing back her chair with a dramatic sigh and picking up her plate.

"Fine, fine. I know when I'm not wanted. I'll let you get back to making our poor LT blush then, skipper."

She didn't look back at them to see their mouths dangling open; closely resembling fish. Too awkward to follow up on Ashley's comment, Kaidan stood up and nervously made an excuse to leave, saying that he had to go tweak his console near the sleeping pods. Shepard didn't argue, simply gave him a nod and a 'uh huh' and quickly retreated to the elevator to clear her head in a warm shower.

As she let the warm water hit her in the face, she thought about how much she hated Williams at that moment. What right did she have to be implying these kind of things? What right did she have to be making Shepard think of things she certainly shouldn't have been thinking of? Damn her to hell. She was right about their flirting. It was harmless though, right? Just a bit of banter between friends in a stressful time. Yep, Shepard told herself. That was it.

She forgot she was even in the shower; just standing there, staring at the wall as the almost scalding water ran down her pale and scarred body. She had to stop getting lost in her thoughts. She scolded herself mentally and stepped out of the shower, ready to face the chill.

She had been drying off her hair with a towel when Joker interrupted her, telling her that Hackett was on vid com. The now lukewarm water dripped from her dark hair, splashing against the inked skin of her collar bone. She had gotten that after Elysium. Just… for her. It was black ink of intricate flowers, spreading from the edge of her left collarbone to the top of her shoulder. Anyone she had trained with had seen it, for obvious reasons, however it didn't go much further than that. She liked to think that it reminded her that she was human, female, in a mostly male dominated world. No doubt most of the soldiers below her would laugh at her if they knew the great, inspirational Commander Shepard had a weakness for flowers.

Taking in a breath, she tousled her hair with the towel one more time, ran her fingers through it and yanked on her slacks and boots. Her hair was still dripping slightly, leaving a damp patch on her shirt, but Hackett had seen her alot less professional so she could live with it.

"Commander, nice and freshened up I see.

As always, Hackett had a pleasant greeting for her. Though sometimes she would love nothing but to throw a bucket at his head and yell at him to be a bit sterner with her. But that's probably what happens when you've called Admiral Hackett, Uncle Steve when you were a toddler.

"Yes, sir. Can't defend the galaxy smelling like a pig sty, sir. What is it you wanted to see me for?"

He had let out a chuckle and given her a smile. Now that she was older, her familiarity with her higher ups made her somewhat uncomfortable.

"Right. There's been some extremely sensitive intel stolen from one of our outposts on the Citadel. We know who's got it but this would be far too risky to send just anyone in."

"Fine, sir. Where's the base and what numbers should we be expecting?"

Hackett hesitated, obviously stalling from what needed to be said. Shepard wasn't sure what he was planning but she sure as hell didn't like it.

"There is no base, Commander. Eriksson is situated in Destiny, the nightclub in the lower wards on the Citadel. He's climbing up the ladder in power down there and if we're not careful, we'll soon have our own mini Aria T'Lok on our hands. Obviously, we do not need this."

Shepard still didn't see the punch line. She narrowed her eyes.

"Sir, if this guy is going to be anything like Aria, how am I supposed to get in and out?"

And that's when it clicked.

"Undercover. Right. Okay. Fine."

"Commander, I know this wouldn't be your particularly favourite kind of job, but-"

He was interrupted by an uncivilised snot from Shepard who was now looking hopelessly up at the ceiling. He continued, looking amused.

"-it must be done and you're the only one for the job. It will be simple enough; go in as civilian, unarmed, and approach him. You'll need to gain his trust or find a good distraction so you divert to his office. I'm sure you can handle it, Shepard. I have faith."

And before she could even open her mouth to protest, there was a 'Hackett out' and a fizz as the vid stream disappeared.

She was going to kill Steven for this.


End file.
